Of Men Needing to ‘Step Up’ for the Kids

I read an article in today’s NZ Herald titled ‘Men called to step up for kids’.It’s a piece about how men need to share in the responsibility for a Nation’s children’s well-being. That it’s not enough to leave it to the women-folk. (contextually it’s around the issue of child poverty). The point being made was that the lack of male involvement with their kids at grass-roots is reflected in the lack of male involvement in roles where solutions to child poverty and deprivation are being sought.Will having more men in those roles actually help? I suppose they’d be able to give insight on the struggles that men have in relation to their kids. I then wonder what is needed to help dads to be better fathers?Fathers do need to be actively involved in the lives of their kids at ground level. In my opinion this is where things need to be addressed.Personally, I worry about my relationship with my children on a daily basis. As I am separated from their mother, maintaining contact with them is crucial to me. I prioritise the time I have with them, often to the exclusion of others. It means I choose them over events that I may have been invited to.Financially too. I don’t have the IRD extracting cash from my account every month begrudgingly. I have a private arrangement and I contribute to things my kids want to do or try.It occurred to me that when I was married, I’d leave home by 7:30am, returning after 7pm. I really didn’t have that much quality time with my kids. Now, separated, I have more time with them, and they get to see their grandparents (on my side) much more regularly.I have the joy of being able to be present at their school sports events, their assemblies, their parent-teacher interviews. To be present when they’re doing something awesome. And celebrating them.I know I have a limited-time opportunity to instill values and confidence and identity and love.Sadly I know of too many men that don’t contribute financially, leaving their ex’s to struggle. I know of too many men that don’t get involved in the day-to-day activities of their kids lives. These are the so-called  ‘deadbeat dads’.  It has created an environment where women have had to lower their expectations of support and become incredibly strong, and self-sufficient. What does this teach the sons?  It frustrates me.Times have changed. Traditional gender roles are no longer fixed. Ultimately, parenting is a partnership. And irrespective of what your relationship is, you need to work out together what is best for the next generation that you are responsible for bringing into the world.So, what are the challenges that men face? What are the blocks preventing them from being actively engaged dads? What do mums need from the fathers?Let me know. I’m curious.- S