Of Friendships Lost

Back in January I wrote a post about Friendships. You can read it here.In the following months I have lost sleep processing and over-thinking everything. What was it that I did? I was terrified that my other friendships were also at risk of disappearing. Being cut off in a similar manner.This Monday just gone marked six months since I met this person. Intellectually I was able to disconnect, but emotionally I wasn’t able to. So, despite being asked in January to not contact them, I took a risk and sent them an email.Thankfully I got a reply back. It didn’t address the ‘why’, which I wasn’t actually after, but it does allow me a degree of closure and can start to move on.I have learned some important and painful lessons.I know you can’t be friends with all the people in the world, but you normally figure out who you will be or won’t be friends with before making that investment. I think this is the first time in my life that someone who had accepted me as a friend, rejected me as a friend.It was awful.However it was also probably necessary for me to experience this. I have rejected others in my past (I am not particularly proud of this fact) who have felt this pain. I had no idea what pain they went through. Until now. It is Karma. I can accept this.I also discovered that despite all the personal growth of the last couple of years, I still have an innate fear of rejection that I need to work on. I have found however that these things only become identifiable when I have the strength and resource to deal with them. This is encouraging.I know that there are many who live by the rule “If someone hurts you or does you wrong, remove them from your life”. No second chances. Certainly no third chances. I have considered this. The reality for me is that when I sign up for friendship it is unconditional. It is a fundamental part of who I am, and I cannot compromise this.- Simon