Of Friendships
Recent events have forced me to consider what constitutes friendship vs. being ‘just an acquaintance’ and how I respond to people and whether that response is good or fatally flawed.My natural default position when I meet someone is to be open and honest. I have a perspective that I’m on a journey and I will meet fellow travelers on the way. Some have been a part of my journey for many years. Some have joined me only recently. Some will endure and some will be there for only a short period of time. But to all I encounter, I will be thinking about how I can add to their travels. I never consider ‘what can they do for me?’ or ‘who can they introduce me to?’.Interpersonal relationships are on a continuum. Simplistically you will be somewhere on this line: an acquaintance - colleague - friend - intimate. As an example my office colleagues tend to be between ‘colleague’ and ‘friend’ as we’re quite a close-knit family dynamic - and interract as a family does.If I define someone as a friend this means I am absolutely loyal, supportive, kind, caring and actually give a damn about them. Unconditionally. I will put them first if they need help. This of course, on the surface, makes me somewhat vulnerable and open for exploitation.Here’s the trigger for this post.I received a text message from someone, who I considered was a friend, 24 hours after we’d had a brief and fun conversation.The text was: “I don’t want to talk with you anymore. Please don’t contact me again. Good luck with everything.”There was no explanation. It was brutal.I was in shock for a couple of days. Over-thinking everything. It hurt. Badly. I actually feel seriously let down. And disappointed.However, I know that I can’t control everything in my life. I can’t control what goes on in other peoples lives that may have an impact on mine. I can’t alter the perception that people have of me. All I can be is me. And I have accepted this fact.So, do I need to ensure that I am more guarded with people I meet? Should I just treat people as ‘acquaintances’ for a longer period of time to ensure that they’re OK and are going to be healthy for me? I don’t know.What I do know is that for seventeen years of my adult life I was not able to invest in people to the extent that I needed to in order to be me. I now have the freedom to do so and I am not about to shut down an important part of what defines me as a person just because it hurts from time to time.I want to acknowledge those true friends I have. Those that have been by my side supporting me through a lot of pain. Those who have called me out when I was being an ass. Those who aren’t afraid to challenge my thinking. You can lose contact with these friends and pick up where you left off when you reconnect. These are not people who want me to fall so they can be there to pick up the pieces. They are true.I am excited about this year. I have met some new people in recent months who I believe will become true friends. We shall see. I am blessed.- Simon