Of Revealing Insecurities

I am very fortunate to have quite a few female friends with whom I have decent conversations about relationships. Of course, these conversations usually begin after the first bottle of Veuve is consumed and number two is underway.I love the insights I gain and I also appreciate the trust given.I want to discuss the subject of revealing insecurities. I won’t use names and I will be largely generic. It is fascinating to me.Generally speaking, we are all insecure to some extent. People have concerns about appearance (balding - it’s only thinning damnit!, bad skin, too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too old, too young... there are so many!), or concerns about needs (I don’t want to die alone, I want the house with the white picket fence, I want kids and I’m seriously running out of time), concerns about whether or not we are liked let alone loved, and so on.In the context of new relationships, these women expressed uncertainty about how much and how many of their insecurities they should reveal to their partner, and over what timeframe.They had the usual concerns over weight gain (if I get fat, he’ll dump me), PMS (if I’m too much of a bitch, he’ll dump me), mess (if I make a mess at his place, he’ll dump me), and neediness (if I text/email/call him too much - and what constitutes too much? - he’ll dump me).They were terrified that if they expressed how they were feeling about him honestly and openly, that he would run for the hills. They were falling in love with him and were incapable of telling him. They were concerned about long-term planning - for example, a romantic trip away is less expensive the further out you book. But what are the ‘rules’ around planning for future excursions?So they were walking on eggshells.How can people live like this?Why is it that you can’t tell someone that you love them if you do?Why is it you can tell a close friend that you love them and there is no weirdness, but if you become romantically involved with this close friend you can no longer tell them you love them because it now means so much more?Guys: Why do women fear that we will run if they’re honest with us about how they’re feeling?Then of course there is the whole male insecurity side of the relationship. There are societal expectations of what constitutes being a man. The simple fact is, no matter how strong we appear, we guys are susceptible to criticism. When enough criticism is directed at us for a sustained period of time, we tend to die a little. We do worry about what women think of us but we tend to bottle these concerns up rather than reveal what could be perceived as weakness.Personally, today I am very much in an open and honest phase. If I like you, I’ll tell you. If you like me, you should tell me. If you’re getting to be too much I’ll talk to you about it, but in reality I have never had to have that conversation.I don’t mind talking about my insecurities. I have found that by bringing them into the open they can be dealt with and overcome. And one by one they are being identified and removed.I think it’s about recognising your history and making an effort to not bring past hurts in to the next relationship. I think its about loving yourself and understanding who you are. It’s about responding not reacting. And above all it’s about communication.Thoughts?- Simon