Of Bad Breakups
I have a lot of wonderful female friends and I’ve enjoyed hearing their life stories. One recurring theme which does cause me a little consternation is how many of them have been unceremoniously dumped by their partners in ways that really are just so very wrong.Back in the day people didn’t have text messaging, online chat, or Facebook status updates to dump people with. They actually had to ‘man up’ and have a conversation. There are other important things to consider which include the place and time. What kind of build-up to the dumping was there? Have you left any clues that you weren’t happy? Maybe talked about what you were feeling? I’ve heard of relationships forming on Friday 13th (apparently not a great idea), and dumpings on Valentine’s Day (seriously, who’d do that?). It’s been an eye-opener!I’ve collected a few stories which I have been given permission to share. I’d love to hear more if you have some!A friend of mine was picked up by her man and taken to the waterfront. The weather was still and there was a chill in the air. The city lights played on the water surface. It was beautiful walking hand in hand. Then he dumped her. She had no idea that it was coming. Awkward silence, then... “So... do you want a ride home?”.Another friend had a love who was overseas. He was a letter writer. He’d send her pages and pages of declarations of his love for her. Ten sheets of pure poetry at a time. The letters came regularly - more than one a week. As far as she knew she was totally in his thoughts and in love. Then out of the blue he sent her a fax along the lines of “I’ve met someone else. Bye.”. It arrived on February 14. Pure class.Mrs mother-of-two had a husband whom she’d taken back after an 8-month ‘lost weekend’. They were getting on well - laughing, talking, loving and living. Until William came into their lives. William was a con-man. Everyone who met William knew it. Except her husband. William offered her husband a dream. A $100k salary to basically ‘wait for my call’. Promises of fulfilling the husbands dream of recording an album and launching his long-overdue music career. Visions of an eco-friendly, spiritually-aware studio in the hills were planted. After six months of ‘waiting for the call’, and not receiving any pay at all (“William’s money is tied up due to immigration errors”), my friend was forced to give the ultimatum. “William or us”. Amazingly William was chosen. Marriage over. Disgraceful.Another friend had a male friend. Just that, a friend. There was no hint of ‘relationship’ or promise of intimacy as far as she was concerned. Then the text message came from him: “I don’t want to lead you on”. WTF? “We’re just friends. What are you talking about?”. More texts from him. Exasperated my friend told him “we’re not having this conversation over text - time for a face to face.” Nope. She got the “I don’t want to talk about it. This conversation is over. We can’t even be friends now.” text back. So - she got dumped, by text, without ever being in a relationship with this guy.Actually, I found that last story pretty funny.Here’s my point in all this. A year or so back, I met a wonderful woman who was attentive and lovely. And at the time I was absolutely in no emotional place for a relationship. I was unable to communicate this to her as well as I needed to. I have been that cowardly dumping guy. And to this day I regret it. I don’t particularly enjoy hurting people. She deserved better from me and I apologise to her.Ladies. Please talk to your partners right from the outset of a relationship and encourage them to be communicative. Make sure you keep the lines open because it is so important. Don’t settle for a guy who doesn’t talk. Who doesn’t pay attention to your needs. Who is unable to express what he needs. And never ever let them get away with dumping you over an impersonal medium. It’s just not good enough.