Of Buying My Own Underpants

It’s quite strange being a guy my age in this country. Or maybe it’s all ages of male-dom.We are taught to aspire to a model of ‘manliness’, more often than not aligned to the handsome ruggedness and athleticism on display from February through to October.But this aspiration has a flaw.Many women, in general, desire these lads. True. But I’ve also noticed something else. Women want to nurture and mother these boys. Yes, they may desire a physical connection (oh yes!), but they also want to care for them.For example I read on Twitter: “I need to fly to Auckland to wipe the blood off Richies face...”This innate mothering drive is very interesting.It’s why Mums protect their sons. It’s why Mums want their sons to grow up strong, manly and successful, and clothe them, and buy them their underpants. It’s why Mums look sidewise at love interests they’re introduced to. It’s why Mums can make or break a relationship between their son and his lady. How hard is it for Mums to let their sons grow, and let go? Or are we sons always going to be her baby boy?Because of this strong maternal influence are men, in general, looking to marry or settle down with their ‘mother’? Someone to cook and clean for them? Someone to tell them that everything will be OK?It must be terribly hard for a woman looking for a man when there is a dominant mother in the mix. You will most likely end up with a battle for mothering rights.I’ve been fortunate that my mother(s) stayed out of my relationships. They trusted that their values were instilled and took a position that I’d make my decisions and they’d support me unconditionally. And even when they knew I was miserable, they’d say nothing out of respect for the choices I’d made.Throughout my childhood, I know that underpants magically appeared in my drawers until I left home. I suspect my Mother was involved in that. Even through Uni I’d get clothing packages. Through marriage? As I recall, underpants-buying was always with my wife - and even then it was a slightly uncomfortable dash-in, grab, purchase, dash-out. And don’t get me started on being the ‘guy’ when your partner is visiting the Bendon store. You just don’t know which way to look... Or more importantly what or who you’re allowed to look at...Post-marriage, things have changed.I have become more considered and definitely more self-aware. I now do those traditional ‘housewife’ chores myself. Well, more accurately, I have learnt to see the need to do them (note to female readers, guys don't actually notice things that need doing). I actually like a clean, tidy, dusted apartment. I like a sparkly bathroom. I like a clean kitchen bench. I like clean windows. I love to cook.I now like shopping for clothes. I still have to be in the ‘mood’ for it, but when I am, it’s fun.More importantly I know that I’m not looking for another mother-figure in my life. I already have two. One more than most. (lucky!)I no longer feel a little dirty when I take underpants purchases to the counter. Where the salesclerk looks at me. Judging me. (Ok - that may be me over-thinking everything again!).I can now buy my own underpants.It’s been a good 30 months.- S