Of Great Expectations

I’m making leaps and strides on my journey.I am learning a huge amount about myself and what makes me tick. What I like, and don’t like. What I want to do. What I don’t want to do. And I am starting to be able to more clearly define what I’m looking in life.A major part of this process is talking with other people. Learning about them. Hearing of their ambitions and dreams. Hearing their stories of love and of love lost.And I have heard an absolute shocker.An acquaintance of mine, a strong and smart woman, met a guy some 18 months back. He was harmless enough. Not particularly motivated, loved his pastimes and his mates.Anyway, they dated for three months or so. He really wasn’t into her at all. All her friends could see this. The couple would see each other every other week. Never for more than one night at a time. She’d do all the initiating of contact and activities. She made friends with his sister and mother (I know, right?). And then he called it quits.She spun out.She seriously spun out. She cried. She wrote a twenty-page letter and stuck it on his door with tape. (He lived on the other side of town from her). She then sat by her phone waiting for him to call and admit to making a huge mistake. She stalked him. She cried. She got angry. Did he not realise what he was missing out on?Six months passed.During this time she texted him. A lot. He finally gave in and agreed to meet her for a drink. She manipulated the situation into getting them back together by agreeing to all his terms. She pretty much gave him a “you can do whatever you like” pass. Her friends were horrified. Whenever they questioned the relationship she defined it as a “work in progress”.She had carefully planned out her life with him and had told her friends that they were moving in together and had explained in detail to them where her furniture was going. She’d also told them how she was going to get rid of his stuff that she didn’t like.Now it is important to note that these plans of hers were made despite him making every effort to avoid moving in together. He had made it clear that he wasn’t going to move to her place and when she made noises about moving to his place (although being concerned that the schools in his suburb simply weren’t good enough for their non-existent future children), he got flatmates.She also got cocky. She would suggest to her single friends that they were somewhat inferior to her because they were single and they should all go out together and she would show them how to meet men because she was successful at it!  It was a really effective way to alienate those closest to her.The pattern continued. For a year. They’d see each other once a fortnight. Never more than one night. He’d be gone by 6am. He never visited her for lunch during the week. The Christmas/New Year period saw him go up North. She wasn’t invited to go until the 30th. And then only until the 1st. He avoided her. He was great with her friends though. He’d do things like head off with his mates to the beach, leaving her a note to find 20 minutes later.She was absolutely miserable. She was totally invested in this relationship.  And even up until two weeks before he finally built up the courage to end it (he’d been trying to get her to dump him for the previous six months by treating her like crap), she was still telling her friends checking out cute guys at bars “It’s a shame I’m taken!”.Finally, he called it quits. Again. She’s devastated. Again.So here are my questions. Why is it that some women fall for guys that ignore them and treat them appallingly. Why do they allow themselves to be walked over? Do they have such great expectations of love, romance and a future that they tolerate being taken advantage of? Why do some plan and dream about a life with a guy when the reality is so vastly different from their perception?And on the other side of the coin: Why do some guys treat women so badly? Where is the respect?I simply don’t understand it.She was not doing herself any favours. She absolutely wasn’t doing her self-worth any favours. She was not doing womankind any favours (effectively letting this guy know that women are OK with this sort of behaviour).I just feel so sad for her. That she’s gotten herself into this position. And that she thinks it is a good relationship she’s lost. She had no relationship, but she cannot see it.Feel free to share your thoughts.- Simon